It’s been over a month, you think, he hasn’t posted anything new. It’s probably safe to go back on the internet without having some unspeakable, skin-crawling abomination of nature appear on your computer screen.
This is the tailless whip scorpion or “whip spider”. It is, unsurprisingly, a relative of spiders, scorpions and other arachnids, and, if you look closely, you will see that it is somehow worse than all of them. Combining the flat, armoured body of a scorpion with spider-like body structure, the spiked forelimbs of a praying mantis with the gangly, unsettling legs of a harvestman and tacking on the long, spindly antennae of whatever that bug is that’s on your back right now, this Frankenstein super-arachnid lives in tropical and subtropical climates worldwide.
They can be found in leaf-litter, under rocks and other debris, in tunnels under the soil and even in deep cave systems, where no creature ever sees the sun.
They are exclusively nocturnal, so if they ever have to leave their secluded, shadowy haunts, they do it in the dark. Their first pair of limbs have evolved into the eye-removing, prey-impaling nightmare claws seen above, but the second pair have changed into extremely long, antennae-like sensory “whips”. The creature extends these whips on either side of its body, walking sideways to achieve maximum creepiness and allow it to sense the environment both ahead and behind.
When prey is located, the whip spider lunges forwards, impaling it on the spiked forelimbs of doom and pulling it in to be torn open by strong, spider-like jaws. The body fluids and soft tissues of the victim can then be eaten, and the whip spider can continue its steady sideways amble into the nightmares of everyone, everywhere.
The whip spider is also, amazingly, venomless, and harmless to humans. It lacks the venom glands, poison injectors, acid sprays, web spinners and spine launchers which I fully expected to find on such a creature.
If threatened, its primary response is to run like hell, using its flattened body to vanish into cracks in rock and other small crevasses. If cornered, those barbed arms come into play, but against a large, determined predator they can only really do so much.
So you see, they are actually absolutely harmless and benevolent. Nothing to worry about. They even fit adorably in your hand!
Ignore the fact that they have been seen snatching moths out of the air, or the way South American populations have been recorded pulling shrimp out of freshwater streams to tear apart and eat them. Nothing worrying there. But try telling Ron Weasley that. That guy’s scared of the cuddliest things.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading about the whip spider, a perfectly non-threatening arthropod that is not currently coercing me into writing reassuring things about it on the internet!